Geena Davis: Barbara

Beetlejuice

Barbara

Adam: You can see us without the sheets?
Lydia: Of course I can see you.
Adam: Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can?
Lydia: Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: 'live people ignore the strange and unusual". I myself am strange and unusual.
Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.

[in the waiting room of the afterlife]
Barbara: Adam, is this what happens when you die?
Receptionist: This is what happens when *you* die.
[points at a gaunt man smoking]
Receptionist: That is what happens when *he* dies.
[points at a woman cut in half on the sofa reading]
Receptionist: And that is what happens when *they* die. It's all very personal. And I'll tell you something: if I knew then what I know now...
[shows her slit wrists]
Receptionist: ...I wouldn't have had my little accident.
[the dead people laugh]

Barbara: [after Jane did not hear Adam call her] She didn't see you, right?
Adam: Unh-uh.
Barbara: [reading the handbook] In the book: "Rule Number Two: the living usually won't see the dead".
Adam: 'Won't' or 'can't'?
Barbara: It just says 'won't'. God, this book is so stupid. I can't understand anything in it.
[Adam takes the book and closes it]
Adam: Barb, honey... we're dead. I don't think we have very much to worry about anymore.

Adam: Cabin fever, hon?
Barbara: Well, I can't clean anything properly. The vacuum's out in the garage and we can't leave the house. Why don't they tell us something? I mean, where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me?
Adam: Maybe this is heaven.
Barbara: In heaven there wouldn't be dust on everything.

Beetlejuice: I gotta card around here, somewhere. Here, here. Who do I have to kill? Here hold that for me, would ya?
[hands Barbara a rat]
Barbara: Whoa! AHH!
Beetlejuice: There. There ya go.
Adam: You don't have to kill anybody!
Beetlejuice: Ah, possession! Good.
Barbara: [In Betelgeuse's voice] Learn to throw your voice! Fool your friends! Fun at parties!

Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?
Adam: We're ghosts!
Lydia: What do you look like under there?
Adam: Aren't you scared?
Lydia: I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you "Night of the Living Dead" under there? Like all bloody veins and pus?
Adam: Night of the what?
Lydia: Living Dead. It's a movie.
Barbara: You know, if I had seen a ghost at your age I would have been scared out of my wits.

[Adam and Barbara see a dark room with decomposed souls]
Barbara: Oh, Adam... What is this?
Janitor: That's the lost souls room; a room for ghosts that have been exorcised. The poor devils. That's death for the dead. It's all in the handbook.
[he closes the shade of the room]
Janitor: Keep moving.

Barbara: [to Adam] What's the good of being a ghost if you can't frighten people away?

Barbara: What's wrong?
Lydia: Beetle...
Barbara: Shhh!
Lydia: HE told me that if I could let him out, he would take me to the other side to find you.
Barbara: Lydia, we're dead.
Lydia: Well, I want to be dead too.
Barbara: No! Lydia, being dead really doesn't make things any easier.
Adam: Listen to her on this, Lydia, this is something we know a lot about!

Adam: How is it that you can see us but nobody else can?
Lydia: Well, I read in that "Handbook For The Recently Deceased". It says, "Live people ignore the strange and unusual." I, myself, am strange and unusual.
Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.

Beetlejuice: I'm feeling a little, ooh, anxious if you know what I mean. It's been about six hundred years after all. I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself, can find a little action...
[a brothel appears]
Beetlejuice: [dances with joy] Hey, Adam, nice move!
Barbara: Adam, why did you build that?
Adam: I didn't!
[Adam and Barbara appear at Juno's office]
Juno: The whorehouse was my idea! I want you to get Beetlejuice out of the picture!

Delia: Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane and I will take you with me!
Charles: Yeah. Well, you know, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. But why don't you just leave this room alone, okay?
Delia: Okay.
Barbara: [to Adam as Delia and Otho leave] I'm gonna get her.

Barbara: What about that guy in the flyer, you know Betel...
Juno: Shhh! Don't even say his name! You don't want his help!
Adam: We might.
Juno: No, you don't! He does not work well with others.
Barbara: What do you mean?
Juno: I didn't want to bring it up, but rather than have you stumble on to it and make another mistake, I'll tell you. He was my assistant, but he was a troublemaker. Went out on his own as a freelance bio-exorcist. Claimed he could get rid of the living. Got into more trouble. In fact, I believe he's been sleazing around your cemetery lately. The only way he can be brought back is by calling his name three times. But I strongly suggest you get the Deetzes out by yourselves.

Barbara: [after the Deetzes moved in] Is this a punishment or something? What are we gonna do?
Adam: We're not completely helpless, Barbara. I've been reading that book and there's a word for people in our situation: ghosts.

Juno: Okay, have you been studying the manual?
Adam: Well, we tried.
Juno: The intermediate interface chapter on haunting says it all: get them out yourselves, it's your house. Haunted houses aren't easy to come by.
Barbara: Well, we don't quite get it.
Juno: I heard. Tore your faces right off. It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you!
Adam: We should start more simply then?
Juno: Start simply, do what you know, use your talents, practice! You should have been studying those lessons since day one.