Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing

Friends

Chandler Bing

[Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms]
Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

Chandler: I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.

[Monica knocks]
Chandler: You can't come in.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked.
Ross: What?
Chandler: Well, I couldn't tell her *I* was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.
Ross: Why does *anyone* have to be naked?

Joey: I can't believe Ross is going out with Rachel's sister. Ya know, when Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for, like, ten years.
Chandler: That was five years ago.
Joey: I know. You got five more years.
Chandler: Joey...
Joey: You want to make it six?

Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Chandler: Oh, my God.
Monica: Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best...
[crying]
Monica: There's a reason why girls don't do this.
Chandler: Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Yes.

[Joey just got ordained via the internet so that he could perform Monica and Chandler's wedding]
Joey: Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.
[Monica and Chandler look impressed]
Joey: It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have... and receive.
[later]
Joey: Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written... are you ready?
Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Joey: When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can't think of a good word for right here.
Monica: How bout receiving?
Joey: Yes!

Janice: [Janice walks downstairs and finds Monica and Chandler looking at her house] What a small world!
Chandler: ...And yet, I never run into Beyonce.

[Chandler's roommate, Eddie has just accused him of sleeping with his ex girlfriend and killing his fish]
Phoebe: Why would you kill his fish?
Chandler: Because, Phoebe, sometimes after you sleep with someone you have to kill a fish.

Chandler: [to Ross] Three failed marriages, two illegitimate children... The personal ad writes itself.

[Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"]
Monica: Sex!
Chandler: Seriously. Answer faster.
Monica: I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
Chandler: It's like a big hug.
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Sex or food?
Ross: Sex!
Phoebe: What about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Phoebe: Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
Joey: I don't know it's too hard.
Rachel: Come on, you have to answer.
Joey: Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!