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Miss Cast Away (2004)

User reviews

Miss Cast Away

10 reviews
1/10

The ONLY way to make this movie fun...

Do the following: Get a copy of this movie and a friend. Wager the friend $10 that they can't sit through this entire movie. They cannot divert their gaze or be distracted by anything. Now watch your friend. Win or lose, you get $10 of entertainment.

It angers me to no end when people see a movie and are quick to give it 1 out of 10, or sum up their thoughts with "it sucked". (And when asked "Why?", they respond, "Just because." Arrgh.) That is why this movie exists. It's sole purpose is for me to say, "There! THIS is a horrible movie! THAT is 1 out of 10!".

This movie is absolutely appalling.

While the recent trend of movie parodies has forced them to become increasingly formulaic, this movie falls short in every single aspect. It's not funny. It's not entertaining. And for some of the parodies, it's completely inaccurate! Horrible acting. Unfunny dialogue. A witless story. Terrible "special effects". One INANE gag after another. And to make matters even worse, there isn't even gratuitous nudity to somehow make it even fleetingly worthwhile.

This movie leaps past idiotic, stumbles over stupid, and lands face first on moronic. Even I, who loves a good "check your brain at the door" movie, found myself physically agitated watching this. This movie isn't even "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" so-terrible-it's-good bad... IT'S JUST BAD.

NOTE: I actually challenged a friend to watch this as described above. Not only couldn't he make it all the way through, but he had a headache and needed a couple minutes afterward because he felt a little ill. True story.

I could not accentuate this rating any more... a resounding 1 out of 10!
  • Gimmickthegnome
  • Jun 18, 2008
  • Permalink
1/10

There is no word that can explain how horrible this movie is!

You should never ever even consider to watch this movie! It is absolutely awful! This isn't an overstatement!! It is so unbelievable and exaggerated, it gets boring. It is just a movie where they have taken stories and plots from several movies and put it together in one. They writer hasn't been able to pull it off in a good way.

If you'd like to see pretty girls in bikinis and no brain this might be the movie for you, but still, you should plug your ears and just watch. It's not worth listening:p There are so many great movies out there, and if I could choose one, this would be the last movie I would pick. But all in all, it's your choice!!!

Enjoy!
  • astrid_lien_16
  • Mar 24, 2008
  • Permalink
1/10

So very very bad....and not in a good way!

This movie (even calling it a movie is an overstatement) is ridiculously horrible. Normally a huge fan of Eric Roberts in "B" list movies, this tragedy of a flick makes me question his real B list clout! And Charlie, please go back to hoping for a Diagnosis Murder revival rather than this.....you can't blame the nameless eye candy (uhhum...beauty pageant members) for participating in this weak movie, but YOU are a former TV star man! Pull yourself together. Don't even get me started on Stuart Pankin. For the sake of all that is good Stuart, you should have seen this was not necessarily a real movie! Bryan Michael Stoller exemplifies absolute genius only in the fact that he was able to dupe anyone into investing in this picture (money or time).

Really, this was no parody or spoof movie although it tries on a 2nd grade level. Mostly, it is poor writing and acting and camera work and editing and....well poor everything. I watched it because I read an article in some mag about agent MJ's involvement and my interest was peaked due to the lawsuit in which he was involved. I now wonder if the only reason they show him from the shoulders up in the movie is because he, like at the trial, showed up wearing pajama bottoms and barely lucid (wait a second, is he ever really considered lucid?...I digress). And Agent MJ? Is that the best they could come up with for a name for his character? Sheez. What a startling piece of originality! Or, maybe that was supposed to be funny? Putting Marriott into the movie was a nice touch at first, but overdone and annoying after all is said and done.

Spare yourself the grief of watching......don't say I didn't warn you.
  • Pietruck
  • May 2, 2006
  • Permalink
1/10

I must apologize...

First, I would like to apologize for my rating of "1"... The only reason i give this film such a high rating is that I can't delve into negative integers. All "This is a spoof" musings aside, and while I certainly have tried to give it due consideration, have left me with a certain notion, namely; "This is quite possibly the worst film ever made." On any level and in any plausible quantification of qualitative measurement... Seriously, I tried, I'm just as in to any indie born-for-cult-video-distribution film as the next buff, but seriously, this movie sucked rhino balls...

Honestly, if I had directed this "film" I would have seen it as a legitimate cause for suicide.
  • orengoldschmidt
  • Feb 13, 2006
  • Permalink
1/10

it sucks.

holy sweet murder this is quite possibly the least funny movie i've ever seen. you can take my word for this as truth because it's playing on television right now. it's really one of the most pathetic productions i've ever seen. there is not a single redeemable aspect of this flick. it just lacks any humor whatsoever. the only good thing it possibly has going for it is that it's so unfunny that it's wholly unmemorable. in fact, i just sat through some ridiculous sub-plot and i can't really tell you what went on. the only reason i can even possibly remember having seen this movie is because it's so absolutely humorless it will stick in my mind forever based on that alone.

an absolutely must miss. if your friend wants to show it to you, shoot him and save yourself the boredom.
  • balthazar13
  • May 20, 2008
  • Permalink
1/10

Learn from the Master FilmMakers

As an indie filmmaker, I try to at least make a decent film . This piece of ____ was beyond low budget. It was shot on video and not 24P mini-DV at least. The look and feel of this was just baaaad. I met the director a few years ago at ShowBiz Expo in LA and he was talking about that book, Film-making for dummies that he was putting together. I thought this little video was going to be something but I guess I was wrong. He could have brought the value up a little by shooting 16mm film instead of that awful video. The plot was stupid as well as the acting and all the fake green screen and sound and the whole nine yards. I had a choice tonight to rent any movie and made the wrong choice. Damn!!!!! I did buy JoyRide which was a hell of a movie. Maybe the director should read real motion picture books on film-making and not try to cut corners when trying to make a low budget flick. Maybe he should learn from the masters who made, Night of the living dead and The Evil Dead and Chain saw massacre. just to name a few of the all time low budget great hits. This is one video that should have stayed dead. I cannot call it a film because he did not use film.
  • rko290
  • Nov 25, 2005
  • Permalink
1/10

Absolutely horrible -- another reason to pity Michael Jackson

There was a time when Michael Jackson was revered as the King of Pop. Then came a time when he attracted negative publicity as much as lemonade attracts wasps. Finally, it is now the time that we feel truly sorry for this man.

This 'movie' is another reason to. I promised a rabid Michael Jackson fan to watch it with her. You know the type of fan -- someone who tells him- or herself to like everything the object of affection ever did. While watching this movie, which she had seen twice already, I realized how far this fandom goes. Probably far enough to rate this movie above a 1/10, as some people miraculously did.

The movie attempts to be a parody of many other movies and series, most notably Cast Away, Lost and Jurassic Park. Unfortunately, it fails miserably at any level. The acting does not save the absolutely horrible story, the filming has the quality of a too-often played video tape, the special effects were better executed in Be Kind Rewind (for those who do not now this movie: with aluminum foil)... All this would be funny if the movie managed to be, well, funny. Unfortunately, it is not. It hurts to watch this.

And then there is Michael Jacksons appearance in this garbage. He appears on a projection screen to deliver an important message, and manages to come across as mobile as Jabba the Hutt and as serious as a 4-year old. Just when I thought "who is the terrible person that lured this poor man into participating in this movie and yet again making a total fool of himself", I (finally) reached the ending credits and discovered that the movie was actually partially shot at Jackson's Neverland ranch. In other words: He. Likes. It.

This movie, and Jackson's involvement in it, is truly disturbing. Do not watch it even for the "haha, a movie in the IMDb Bottom 100" effect. Or be warned.
  • nosiesnetnieuws
  • Sep 8, 2008
  • Permalink
1/10

Sort of an Ed Wood film for the 21st century.

A planeload of incredibly stupid beauty contestants crashes on an island and lots of movie genres are spoofed in this film. If you fond films like "Disaster Movie", "Epic Movie" and "Meet the Spartans" too intellectually challenging, then I have a movie suggestion for you! "Miss Castaway and the Island Girls" is a spoof with non-stop humor(?) and is very similar to these other films--but the budget is significantly lower and the jokes are even dumber (yes, apparently this IS possible!). However, in defense of "Miss Castaway", it cost less to make and at least didn't make young adults significantly stupider--as no one went to see this film (whereas, inexplicably, the other three were well attended--which seems to prove that the apocalypse is real and imminent). I also would say that although the film is totally awful, it....no, wait...there's nothing more to say...the film is just terrible. Now considering the cast of mostly no-names and fourth-rate stars and faded stars, this is no huge surprise. With the likes of Eric Roberts (who used to be famous), this isn't a surprise--nor is it a surprise with guest spots by the like of Stuart Pankin, Pat Morita, Jerry Lewis and Bernie Kopell and, interestingly, Michael Jackson.

So why did I watch this banal film? Well, I have a confession to make. I occasionally like a terrible film. Considering I have reviewed hundreds or perhaps thousands of art films, foreign films and documentaries, sometimes I just need a good laugh--and a bad movie can be funny. No, the jokes aren't funny---but laughing at how incredibly bad a film can be is good for a laugh. This film, not surprisingly, is on IMDb's infamous Bottom 100 list, I HAD to see it! So, if you WANT to see a terrible film, give this one a watch--it's funny in a brainless way and is great for a group of friends to watch and laugh at some minor ex-stars self-destruct. Plus, it makes no pretense--it doesn't try to be anything more than dumb--and I can appreciate that.
  • planktonrules
  • Feb 8, 2012
  • Permalink
1/10

A truly terrible offering from a director who manages to make Friedberg & Seltzer look like Oscar contenders!

Director Bryan Michael Stoller apparently wrote the reference book "Movie Making for Dummies". This film is not a good advert for his book and doesn't do his credibility as a director much good at all. I had to look long and hard for a DVD copy of this film before finding a German region 2 copy available under the alternate title of 'Silly Movie 2' (Thankfully, there is no 'Silly Movie 1'). It is riding high in the IMDb database of the 100 worst movies of all time, and upon viewing it, I can say it is placed that highly for a very good reason. Bryan Michael Stoller's direction and script is so incompetent that he actually makes his nearest contemporaries, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer look like genuine Oscar contenders. Compared to this, 'Meet the Spartans' and 'Epic Movie' are like the 'Citizen Kane' of spoof movies. The only two real questions that arise from watching this movie is to wonder how far Julia's brother Eric Roberts had to sink to headline this film, and how on earth the director talked Michael Jackson into performing what is nothing more than a three minute cameo. This was filmed in 2004 and proved to be Jackson's last work as an actor (he died five years later in 2009). The special effects are nothing short of woeful, the acting uniformly dreadful. Even lots of beautiful girls in bikinis can't save this one. As a spoof it's not even funny. See it if you dare, but don't say I didn't warn you what a pile of rubbish it is. Some films are so bad they are actually almost good. This film is just bad.
  • churchofsunshine
  • Jun 7, 2014
  • Permalink
1/10

One example of a spoof that doesn't work on any level

I do like comedy and I do like spoof movies, but when I saw Miss Cast Away online I found myself loathing every second of it. It is not as monstrous as the likes of Disaster Movie or Epic Movie, but it is a long way from being a Galaxy Quest or a Young Frankenstein.

The film does look cheap. The scenery is not striking and looks more like tacky studio sets, while the editing is rushed and the special effects are some of the worst I've seen in a while, and that is including the Jaws like shark.

As for the story, was there even a story? Seemed like a series of disconnected and witless scenes, and the basic idea was predictable and unoriginal. The humour was painful; the jokes are incredibly forced and timed really poorly while the writing and dialogue are insipid and unfunny.

The characters are clichéd and none of them are likable in any way. The direction is incompetent, the soundtrack is poorly used and the film is rushed in the pace and dull in how unfunny it all is. The acting is dreadful, the actresses are the epitome of all looks no talent, Eric Roberts phones in, Michael Jackson's appearance was both disturbing and useless and I don't know what Charlie Schlatter(who is a decent actor) was doing here.

Overall, awful and doesn't work on any level. 1/10 Bethany Cox
  • TheLittleSongbird
  • Jun 17, 2011
  • Permalink

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